Chief Nonsense Officer

#577: The carrot in corporate bullying

Leadership, Motivation, Power No Responses »

Apr 112012

Some of us respond well to carrots and even better to sticks. Yet, there is a fine line between stick and bully.

It’s easy to tell the two apart, if you remember your horse and buggy days. The purpose of the stick is to get you somewhere else.

And bullying? Well, let’s first define it. Bullying is repeated nasty attempts by one person to get power over another. Bullying thrives on an imbalance of power, however engineered.

Surprise, surprise. The typical organization is designed as a hierarchy of imbalanced power. Add relentless pressure to perform and we have a perfect bully factory.

You see, the purpose of corporate bullying is not to get somewhere, as is the way of the stick. Its purpose is to make someone in a position of power feel better about being so inadequate at wielding that power.

What does corporate bullying get you? Your best people out the door.

You can also listen here to the radio version of The carrot in corporate bullying (10 most recent radio files)

#576: Scattering suspect seeds

Perception/Reality No Responses »

Apr 092012

With all these weird statements and accusations being scattered about during this so exciting election year, I remind all objective voters to stay objective. Actually, all of us who react without thinking should attempt a bit of objectivity now and then.

Let me give you an example to serve as a warning. Many years ago I was walking down a busy city street with a subordinate. Suddenly he interrupted himself and said, “See this guy with the pink shirt coming toward us? He’s a con artist.”

I studied the guy and then my subordinate laughed and said, “I don’t know him from Adam, but now that I’ve planted the seed, you will always be suspicious of him.”

Now, that’s not the sort of trick to play on your boss, nor on friends or voters. The seed is real and will germinate. If it turns out to be a weed, it might be too late to kill it.

You can also listen here to the radio version of Scattering suspect seeds (10 most recent radio files)

#575: Maximum returns without maximizing returns

Effectiveness, Efficiency No Responses »

Apr 042012

Did you hear the one about the latest product recall? If you are thinking ‘which one?’ because there have been so many, then you will understand my need to ask this question.

As a manager, is your focus on making sure that things go right or do you focus on making sure that nothing goes wrong? Yes, I know, you need to do both, but we all have a preference. And, no, it’s not as simple as being an optimist or a pessimist.

The answer lies in consequences. If the consequences can have serious implications or disastrous unintended outcomes, then you should focus a teeny bit more on making sure that nothing goes wrong.

If that risk is low, then your role as manager is to make sure things go right so that you don’t have to manage another product recall.

Get the balance wrong and you face maximum returns without maximizing your return, if you know what I mean.

You can also listen here to the radio version of Maximum returns without maximizing returns (10 most recent radio files)

#574: To shop or to de-shop

Customers/Service No Responses »

Apr 022012

You know shopping, window shopping, on-line shopping and even shoplifting. But have you heard of de-shopping?

No, it’s not the same as returning goods to the store. De-shopping is a lot more serious.

Here’s a hint. Women de-shop more than men. Oh, right, that’s not much of a hint. Try this one. Have you returned a dress after wearing it once? Women do that more often than men.

Do men de-shop? Yes. Some “borrow” fancy televisions in time for big games and then de-shop after the action is over.

De-shopping is return fraud. You are cheating, maybe not quite stealing.

De-shoppers are becoming better at it. They form de-shopping mobs because shops fear ugly scenes and they visit different branches to avoid being profiled as serial de-shoppers. Some even return shoplifted goods to the same store. Now that’s illegal!

Please, people. Shops are not libraries.

You can also listen here to the radio version of To shop or to de-shop (10 most recent radio files)

#573: No charm in being late

Business, Leadership No Responses »

Mar 292012

When I was your age and still dating, I was never late to pick up my date. If too early, I cruised around the block until I could knock on her door at exactly the appointed time.

Yes, my dates were such that I did not want to miss a single minute with the latest miss. But to this day I am never late for a meeting, business or casual.

However, being on time for formal meetings has two serious drawbacks – wasting time waiting for latecomers and then listening to the meeting chair recap the meeting for the late latecomers.

Many a date who kept me waiting had real charms at play, but I have yet to find the charm in those who keep me waiting at work.

And as for chairpersons who think it polite to recap for latecomers, well, I politely suggest that you are being rude to us who bothered to be on time.

You can also listen here to the radio version of No charm in being late (10 most recent radio files)

#572: How to step lightly and smell roses

Motivation, Success No Responses »

Mar 262012

Spring is in the air. It’s time to lighten your step as you find time to smell the roses. In my experience there is only one tried and tested way to unburden yourself enough to step lightly. Aim lower.

I have learned at great personal cost that the world will not end if I lowered my standards. Go on, try it and lighten up.

Once you’ve mastered that trick, the next one will be a piece of cake. It’s a tried and tested way to create more time to smell the roses. Procrastinate! You have no idea how much time I’ve saved myself this way. Invariably someone runs out of patience and does whatever on my behalf.

Do you need more convincing? Well then, consider your civic duty. You can do over achievers and success junkies a huge service. Step lightly out of their way as they rush passed on their highway to nowhere.

You can also listen here to the radio version of How to step lightly and smell roses (10 most recent radio files)

#571: Lost leaders clamoring for attention

Leadership No Responses »

Mar 212012

You can tell how lost people are by how much time they waste on leaders and leadership.

Note this: you will not be lost if you lead your life. Did you catch that? Lead your life. We are all leaders. So enough with this leadership nonsense.

Do you still think that leadership is more about leading other people’s lives rather than merely your own? Then answer these questions before you impose your lead on others. Do you have a strong drive to lead? Is it strong no matter the circumstances?

There is a third question, but I’m afraid if you answered ‘yes’ to the first two, then you are not equipped to answer this one. Are you capable of leading? In your case, only followers can answer that question accurately.

If you insist that you are capable, no matter the circumstances, then please consider this. Your leadership drive is merely your ego clamoring for attention.

You can also listen here to the radio version of Lost leaders clamoring for attention (10 most recent radio files)

#570: Trust me maybe

Trust No Responses »

Mar 192012

Today I have a riddle for you, based on events at home and abroad. What takes a long time to build, but can be destroyed in the blink of an eye? Many things, you might think, but only one really fits the bill. Trust. Think about it. Building trust takes time, destroying it does not.

And yet, trust is critical in any family, culture, community, company, party, yes, even in a criminal gang. Here’s why.

When you don’t trust family, friends, colleagues, bosses, subordinates, and so on, where do you spend your time and energy? You spend time and energy worrying about what they’re doing, saying or thinking. You constantly read between the lines, look for hidden agendas and plan for negative outcomes.

What can you do? Never commit the trust destroying sin of over promising and under delivering. Alignment between what you say and what you do is critical. That is the basis of trust.

You can also listen here to the radio version of Trust me maybe (10 most recent radio files)

#569: Lead with your leadership gap

Leadership, Motivation No Responses »

Mar 152012

Let’s talk about what I call the leadership gap. Do you think that leaders should be good at what they do or great at what they do?

Be careful. It’s a trick question. The right answer is . . . both.

You should be great at what is weak in others but critical to the success of your organization. And you should be good at what you need others to be good at. By ‘good’ I mean slightly better than them.

Here’s why. Many of us are not motivated by ‘great’ because we believe that ‘great’ is out of our reach. Yet we will aim to be good, even to be better than the leader, because we know that good is possible.

The trick is never to make the leadership gap so big that no one can follow you. Better to lead from only a few steps ahead, else you will be admired from afar by people who are no longer followers.

You can also listen here to the radio version of Lead with your leadership gap (10 most recent radio files)

#568: Dirt work makes chappie happy

Nonsense, Team Work/Building No Responses »

Mar 122012

Did you know that nonsense is a natural, abundant, renewable resource? I realized this when I watched two dung beetles at work in the African bush.

Dung is really just dirt in the making and dirt could make people happy. At least, so think researchers in Britain. By people I think they mean grownups and adults. We already know that dirt makes children happy.

So far the researchers have evidence that dirt makes mice happy. But to researchers, a mouse is close enough to being a people so that the process involved must be similar. It appears that certain types of dirt stimulate the neurons in your brain that produce serotonin, which influences your mood.

This implies that we will all be happier if we spent more time playing in the dirt.

Would you like to guess what your next team building exercise will involve? Hey, don’t blame me. I’m just the nonsense messenger.

You can also listen here to the radio version of Dirt work makes chappie happy (10 most recent radio files)

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